


Tonight you’re thinking of cities under crowns of snow and I stare at you like I’m looking through a window, counting birds

by little_fella (na_shao)



Category: Actor RPF, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies) RPF
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, I'm Sorry, M/M, this is very self-indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 16:52:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9280661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/na_shao/pseuds/little_fella
Summary: His phone buzzes again, and he's supposed to be paying attention as the hosts crack jokes and announce winners, but he can't stop thinking about Ezra, his long, pale neck, the millions and millions of moles painted on his back, the constellations of warm shadows cast by his eyelashes and the darkest shade of brown of his disheveled hair brushing against his nose.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I don't usually write RPF. But. This is an exception. I'm extremely awkward about it, to be honest. DON'T JUDGE ME.  
> This is terribly self-indulgent, and absolutely not on point regarding many things, but I wrote it for one of my best friends, and thought, "oh, this is kinda fluffy, maybe I should post it?" I don't know. I REALLY DON'T.
> 
> This is inspired by Colin's resting face during the Golden Globes, which makes him look like he's super grumpy, when, really, he's just being himself, I guess?
> 
> The title comes from "Seaside Improvisation" by Richard Siken.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this. I will now proceed to crawl back inside my cave and be anxious about posting this online.

_You look super grumpy_ , is what Colin gets at some point during the Golden Globes ceremony. His phone buzzes in his pocket while he's drinking wine and his mum seems entranced by whatever joke Jimmy Fallon is currently making.

  
Colin's eyebrows shoot up as he reads the text, and then proceeds to type a quick reply as the background noise grows in a rush.

  
_**I look grumpy? That's my normal face, actually.** _

  
His phone buzzes again a few minutes later and his mother shoots him a disapproving look, but Colin dismisses it — it's break time anyway, so nobody cares that he's texting and focused on something else entirely.

  
_Grumpy resting face, darling. Grumpy all the way. It's okay. I love it.  
_

  
**_I am not grumpy. It's just my face, Ezra._ **

  
His head is pounding slightly due to the noise and pretty intense lights that drape the room in glittering and golden hues. He wishes he could squeeze Ezra's hand under the table and not care about Hollywood's internalised homophobia. It's not as bad as it was before, obviously — he's so glad that Sarah Paulson got an award during the night — but he knows so many more people are in the same situation where coming out may still affect their career, and Colin is just so angry and saddened that it still happens. Being a vocal supporter of LGBTQIA+ rights for so long, he feels that the world still has lots and lots of work to do, which is somehow discouraging and extremely exhausting; but he will never stop fighting for what is right, because _this is right,_ this is what he fought for as a kid when bullies would make his brother come home bleeding and crying, a catch in his voice, his skin flushed; this is what he will fight for, for Ezra whose smile never reaches his eyes whenever he talks about highschool and being different and proud, whose suntanned scars wrap around his arms like a lullaby that everyone wishes to forget.

  
"Is that Ezra?" his mother asks quietly in his ear when Colin sighs and shakes the thoughts out of his already-too-full head.

  
"Yes," he says, smiling lightly before putting his phone back in his pocket. It's still commercial break for a few minutes so Colin kisses his mum's cheek and tells her he'll be back — he moves slowly through the mass of bodies and laughs and glasses in hands to get to Eddie who's talking animatedly with Andrew Garfield.

  
Eddie's face lights up as soon as he sees Colin. He walks up to him and gives him a tight hug, delighted to see him, his smile as bright as a hundred blinking stars.

  
"It's good to see you," Eddie declares softly, eyes crinkling and laughter still dancing in his throat.

  
"Yeah, it is," Colin says before waving at Andrew, shaking his hand, and saying, "nice to see you, Andrew."

  
Andrew's grin is infectious and Colin finds himself less stressed, less on edge. They talk for a bit as the commercial break rolls and eventually ends to let the show resume. Colin waves back at Eddie and Andrew and goes back to his table, his fingers brushing his mum's shoulder.

  
She smiles at him as she stretches a hand to his face, caressing his cheek, reminding him of cold winter nights, hot tea and bedtime stories.

  
"This is your big moment, sweetheart," and the ghost of a smile tugs at Colin's lips. He's already had these big moments his mum is talking about — he's won awards in his life — but he's just quietly content to have his mum around. She looks good, and happy, and that's all Colin could ever ask for.

  
His phone buzzes again, and he's supposed to be paying attention as the hosts crack jokes and announce winners, but he can't stop thinking about Ezra, his long, pale neck, the millions and millions of moles painted on his back, the constellations of warm shadows cast by his eyelashes and the darkest shade of brown of his disheveled hair brushing against his nose.

  
Colin is a little zoning out when he feels his mum squeezing his hand and he realises that his name has been called as he's being presented for best actor in a comedy for _The Lobster_. He looks at the camera, slightly uncomfortable as he hears people cheering for him and tons of applause, but he's pleased that the room is so warm and seemingly happy that he's around.

  
He doesn't win the award - he didn't expect to, to be completely honest - and he's genuinely happy Ryan Gosling won. His speech is good, emotional, and Colin listens attentively. His hand finds his phone again in his pocket.

  
_Looking good, Mr_ _Farrell. Reallllly good. Like. REALLY GOOD._

  
He can't stop grinning at the sight of the text.

 

* * *

 

The evening is quite long, filled with big speeches, stars scattered across people's eyes and a terrific amount of food and alcohol because, honestly, that's also what the Golden Globes _are about._

  
Colin spends a bit of time at one of the afterparties and goes on to say hello to people he knows, introducing his mother, letting her do most of the talking.

  
He stumbles upon Eddie again at some point and they settle in a corner to talk for a bit, greeting friends and guests from time to time.

  
"You didn't bring Ezra?" Eddie asks as he sips his Mojito absently.

  
Colin clears his throat. He watches the straw bobble from left to right just as Eddie sips and crushes more ice, mint and sugar together.

  
"He wasn't ready."

  
Eddie nods quietly and pats Colin's shoulder gently. "I think you two are a pretty match," he says sheepishly, in a very Eddie-like manner that spells discomfort and Britishness and warmth altogether. Colin can't help smiling.

  
"Thanks. My mum said the exact same thing, actually," Colin remarks, trying not to laugh at Eddie's expression.

  
They keep chatting away until Eddie has to go. They hug goodbye, promising to send each other's texts and have dinner with all the Fantastic Beasts crew, and Colin is left warm and happy, as always after talking to Eddie.

  
As his friend moves further into the probing mass of people, Colin catches sight of Eddie's golden ring, glinting faintly in the low light of the room, and thinks to himself that he should really be heading home.

  
_**I'll be home soon**_ , is what he texts Ezra as he downs the remnants of his cocktail.

 

* * *

 

It's almost 3 a.m and the streets of L.A are glimmering with clear, orange lights. There's a little cold wind brushing through Colin's hair as he gets out of the car and helps his mother to the door. He's not really surprised to see that the lights are still on — when Ezra is studying for a new role and learning his lines, he tends to stay up extremely late, and today's not an exception; but Colin also likes to think that he was waiting for him to come home, and his stomach does weird, warm things to him.

  
He opens the door slowly, lets his mum in and closes it behind them and catches a tuft of dark hair emerging from his sofa. Colin grins and chuckles as Ezra gets up, leaving his notes behind him, and comes to greet Rita.

  
"It's so good to see you, honey," Rita says, opening her arms to her son-in-law, eyes bright and warm.

  
Ezra hugs her tightly, talking quickly and animatedly to her for a few minutes, his hair a mess, his hands fidgeting with what Colin assumes is excitement and exhaustion, too. She eventually lets go of him to grab a glass of water from the kitchen, bringing it to her lips and sipping quietly as she makes to go upstairs, wishing them goodnight and kissing both of them on the way.

  
Colin looks absolutely stunning and Ezra has a lot of trouble keeping his hands to himself. He comes into Colin's arms, his long fingers reaching out for his face and kisses him slowly before resting his forehead against Colin's for a moment, enjoying the taste left on his chapped lips, a mix of alcohol and mint, of long nights spent thinking and remembering.

  
"Extremely good-looking, Mr Farrell," Ezra murmurs, his breath whispering across his cold lips, almost purring as he pulls back in order to observe Colin.

  
Colin huffs a laugh, grins and lets Ezra cover his neck in kisses and hickeys that he'll have to cover tomorrow morning — but he doesn't care, having the most beautiful thing in his arms, against him, full of talent and fading scars, love and shining stars.


End file.
